I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
