How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
