She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
