I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
is wine microwaveable?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize