Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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