I'm eating all of the evidence.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just high enough for therapy.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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