Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
so much tequila, so little girl.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm sobbing to NWA
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
