The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
kristin has been a bad kristin
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Randomize
