i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
