I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
