So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
