I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
