the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
