4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
