Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize