You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just google imaged poop.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
