nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
