I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
