this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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