I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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