i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
are you so shy because you have an std?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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