There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
