You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
