So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
