Tell her she can't have a vagina
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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