The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
