well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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