dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
