You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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