i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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