U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Randomize
