you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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