South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
