dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
