is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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