OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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