As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize