How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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