Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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