last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize