Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
