She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
