Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
