When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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