Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
