Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
