I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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