don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
