i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
