Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.

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(317): View more from Indiana

if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught

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(908): View more from New Jersey

You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.

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(571): View more from Virginia

how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......

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(325): View more from Texas

I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.

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(815): View more from Illinois

shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug

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(941): View more from Florida

So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.

(941): View more from Florida

I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.

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(719): View more from Colorado

I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!

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