Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
