I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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