He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i think i have two assholes
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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