My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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