Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
