I love black thongs
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
