I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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