I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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