My hand turned me down
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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