how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
