I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
