I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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