dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
