so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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