Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
