he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
