fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
