a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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