for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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