...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
vagina is talking i cant
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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