Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
