omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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