i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
As shirtless as possible
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
