1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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