So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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