discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
