i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
