I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
