Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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