Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
