I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
