I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
