the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
