I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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