now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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