She said her name was "party"
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
